40 Things I Am Not Doing at 40

Turning 40 is a milestone that invites reflection. It’s not about regret or fear, but about clarity. Over the years, I’ve learned that life isn’t just about what we do—it’s also about what we stop doing. Boundaries, priorities, and faith take center stage when we recognize that our time, energy, and peace are precious.

This list isn’t a checklist of rules—it’s a declaration of freedom. A commitment to living intentionally, focusing on what truly matters, and letting go of what doesn’t serve me, my family, or my relationship with Jesus. These 40 things are what I am not doing at 40, and in saying no to them, I’m saying yes to a life of clarity, purpose, and joy

1. I am not chasing perfection.

2. I am not ignoring my need for rest.

3. I am not staying in conversations that drain me.

4. I am not apologizing for having boundaries.

5. I am not mistaking busy for productive.

6. I am not proving my worth through exhaustion.

7. I am not tolerating disrespect for the sake of peace.

8. I am not shrinking to make others comfortable.

9. I am not measuring success by someone else’s milestones.

10. I am not explaining myself to those who won’t understand.

11. I am not saying yes to maybes — if it’s a maybe, it’s a no.

12. I am not collecting titles that don’t matter to me.

13. I am not competing with people — I want everyone to win.

14. I am not allowing perfect be the enemy of great.

15. I am not glamorizing struggle.

16. I am not treating my needs as not important.

17. I am not ignoring the nudging of the Holy Spirit.

18. I am not forcing myself to fit into other people’s expectations.

19. I am not waiting for permission to change.

20. I am not romanticizing chaos.

21. I am not settling for less than I deserve.

22. I am not explaining my healing to people who benefited from my silence.

23. I am not staying loyal to systems that don’t serve me.

24. I am not confusing longevity with loyalty.

25. I am not sacrificing health for hustle.

26. I am not clinging to old versions of myself out of fear.

27. I am not forcing closure — some lessons close themselves.

28. I am not seeking validation from people — my identity is found in Christ.

    

29. I am not numbing discomfort instead of listening to it.

30. I am not pretending growth is linear.

31. I am not defining my self-worth by my productivity.

32. I am not saying “it’s fine” when it isn’t.

33. I am not postponing joy until everything is perfect.

34. I am not believing urgency equals importance.

35. I am not treating rest as a reward — it’s a requirement.

36. I am not compromising who I am to gain approval.

37. I am not holding onto guilt that isn’t mine.

38. I am not confusing loudness with truth.

39. I am not focusing on anything that will take my sight off Jesus.

40. I am not underestimating the power of clarity.

Turning 40 isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. It’s about choosing what to carry forward and what to leave behind. By saying no to what doesn’t serve me, I create space for what truly matters: my faith, my family, my peace, and my joy. This list is a reminder that boundaries are not limitations—they are acts of love for myself and for the life God has given me. At 40, I am embracing intentional living, knowing that letting go is just as powerful as holding on.

Until next time, remember you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Dami. O